Sixth-graders gain insights into sacramental Marriage
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Sixth-graders from throughout the Jefferson City diocese were gathered in Flanagan Hall during Sixth Grade Vocation Day at Our Lady of Lourdes Church in Columbia.
Debbie Portell, emcee for a lively panel discussion on married life, asked the students what they know about marriage.
“It’s not fun!” a sixth-grader fired back.
“That’s not true!” said Trish Lutz, a member of the panel, who’s been married to Deacon Brian Lutz for 29 years. “It isn’t easy, but it most certainly is fun!”
Deacon Lutz pointed out that Marriage is the only sacrament not administered by a member of the clergy. A priest or deacon witnesses the Marriage, but the husband and wife bestow the sacrament on each other.
“My No. 1 goal is to do whatever I can to help get my wife and my daughter to heaven and to be loyal to God in the process,” said Deacon Lutz.
Jonathan Pund, who’s been married who fellow panelist Anna Pund for 10 years, noted that marriage is often mistakenly thought of as a “50-50” proposition between the husband and wife.
“But I have to tell you, it’s actually 100-100,” he said. “Each of you has to take on 100 percent for the relationship, for the things that need to be done in the relationship and for the success of the relationship.”
Ellie Bassford, who has been married to fellow panelist Travis Bassford for 10 months, said the definition of true love is “to desire the good of another person.”
“To wake up and say, ‘How can I desire the good of you and serve you today?’” she said. “If you’re both doing that for each other, it is fun and also a great gift.”
Mr. Bassford said Marriage is intended to be a sign and a living witness of God’s abiding love for his people.
“Ellie’s and my love for each other is supposed to be a visible sign, a beacon in the world to show God’s unconditional love,” he said.
Who and how
Deacon Lutz suggested that if someone believes God is calling him or her to Marriage, “start by surrounding yourself with people who help make you the best version of yourself.”
“We want to find someone who makes us happy and who we make happy, who smiles when we’re around them and makes us better versions of ourselves,” he said.
Mrs. Lutz said she knew God intended her to marry her husband when she could no longer imagine her life without him.
“And I didn’t want to imagine that!” she added. “He’s my best friend and my soulmate. I thank him for bringing me closer to God.”
Mrs. Pund suggested finding “someone you can have a very good conversation with.”
“Someone you really love to spend time with and talk,” she continued. “And also someone who’s really grounded in the Lord and knows who they are as a son or daughter of the Lord.”
She also said to look for someone who can suffer well and do hard things.
“You never know what you’ll both be called to endure, so you need to be able to really count on each other,” she said.
Mr. Pund emphasized that no one’s identity comes from his or her spouse but from God.
“So, keep your eyes fixed on the Lord and run toward him, and then look around and see who’s next to you,” he advised. “Those are the kind of people you want to spend your life with.”
Mrs. Bassford said, “once you’ve found someone, it’s important to go through a lot of seasons with them.
“I loved Travis when life was good and fun, and also when I had a cancer diagnosis,” she said.
“That’s the kind of person you want,” she stated, “someone who will be with you when life is hard and be there and love you in the same way.”
Mr. Bassford said an ideal husband or wife “loves Jesus more than they love you.”
“Your whole marriage is from God himself,” he said. “You want your spouse continually pushing you toward God, toward sainthood.”
“Giving yourself away”
Receiving from God the gift of children only deepens the marital bond.
“The first thing you learn in Marriage is, it’s no longer just about you,” said Deacon Lutz. “When God sends a child into your world, it only doubles that up.”
It leads to “giving yourself away a little bit more each time.”
“And in giving that love away, you are loved in return,” he said. “It looks like a sacrifice, but you receive more than you can imagine.”
Mrs. Pund noted that children are a gift from God, “and our job is to lead them to the Lord, and we deal with whatever happens along the way.”
Mr. Pund emphasized that his first priority is to his wife, then his children.
“We tell our children that,” he said. “I think it’s comforting to them to know we have a stable relationship that will always be here to help them along in life.”
Mr. Bassford called out the culture’s tendency to frame Marriage and having children negatively as the end of personal freedom.
“Actually, that’s the whole point,” he said. “The reason God gives us marriage and children is to call us out of ourselves, to make our lives about others.”
Deacon Lutz pointed out that not everyone is called to Marriage as a vocation.
“But if marriage is your vocation, it is a love that’s beyond explanation,” he told the sixth-graders. “Imagine the love your parents have for each other and for you, and think of you being able to share that same love with someone else.”
