Family’s silver vase is testament to enduring marriages
What was once presented in jest has become a prized memento for marriage and family.
A sterling silver vase engraved with a growing number of names has been passed down for four generations of family members upon reaching their silver wedding anniversary.
“The total number of years of marriage that it represents continues to increase, because of the number of couples who have had it who are still married,” said Dan Worthen.
He and his wife, Stephanie, recently became the 14th couple to receive the vase.
“The durability of silver represents the durability and the purity of marriage, with metal withstanding trials and tribulations,” he stated. “That certainly fits our experience.”
“It’s not the most remarkable looking vase,” Stephanie Worthen acknowledged. “But the number of couples is impressive. The engravable surface is pretty much covered.”
The vase has acquired a few dings over the course of its 84-year existence.
Mr. Worthen said it’s like any relationship that has withstood the test of time.
“What marriage doesn’t have its struggles and trials and tribulations?” he asked. “We’re certainly not spared from that. But you keep working through it the best you can.”
A rose and a lily
The Worthens are members of St. Peter Parish in Jefferson City and were married in St. Peter Church in August 1998, with Monsignor Donald W. Lammers PA, who was pastor, presiding.
Until shortly before that time, Mr. Worthen was not aware of the tradition of the bride and groom leaving a rose at the side altar dedicated to the Blessed Mother.
“I was thinking, ‘What about poor St. Joseph?’” he recalled. “I said we should also put a lily on Joseph’s altar ... and that’s what we did.”
Twenty-five years later, a short while after receiving the vase with their newly engraved names on it, the Worthens set one rose and one lily in the vase and placed it atop St. Mary’s altar before Mass.
Father Brad Berhorst, who was serving as associate pastor at the time of the couple’s anniversary, led them in renewing their vows, gave them a special blessing, and blessed the family heirloom.
“In all the years people have had it, I believe this was the first time it was ever blessed,” said Mr. Worthen.
His great-grandparents, Frank and Pearl Gruler, got married in 1914 in Michigan and received the vase as an anniversary gift in 1939.
“For the next 20 years, it sat on a shelf in the kitchen, and her kids watched her polish it as it turned black in spots,” wrote Dorothy Gruler Miles, Frank and Pearl’s second-oldest daughter, in a brief history of the vase.
The couple raised four children — including Mr. Worthen’s grandmother, Mary Katherine Gruler Worthen (“Grandma Kay”) — in their home in northern Michigan.
Grandma Kay inherited the home and its contents after her mother died in 1960.
She was no longer married and “did not want this vase, did not need this vase, was not interested in this vase,” Mr. Worthen noted.
She repeatedly tried to give it to her sister, Dorothy, but “Dorothy’s vision of the vase was watching her Mom trying to beat the tarnish, which loves sterling silver, and she wanted no part of it,” Mrs. Miles wrote.
“So ... and I’ve seen other examples of this in my life ... a thing that now has value was once meaningless,” Mr. Worthen stated.
“They weren’t going to get rid of it, pawn it, sell it or melt it down,” he said. “But they clearly didn’t want it.”
Finally, Dorothy and her husband, Bill, who are Dan Worthen’s godparents, celebrated their 25th wedding anniversary in 1968.
Grandma Kay threw a large party for them, had the sliver vase filled with flowers, and adorned it with a gift tag.
It said, “From the grandsons.”
“When my grandmother wrote that note to Dorothy, my mother was pregnant with me,” Mr. Worthen noted. “And there was no way of knowing in 1968 that you’re pregnant with a boy.”
His grandmother wrote presciently and was done polishing the vase.
Six years later, Dorothy came up with the idea of transforming the white elephant into a silver heirloom when her younger brother Al and his wife Helen reached their sterling milestone.
Dorothy had the names of the three couples — Frank and Pearl, Dorothy and Bill, and Al and Helen — engraved on the vase and presented it as a gift to the third.
Their brother Frank died before he and his wife, Mary, celebrated 25 years, but their names were later added with the notation, “in memory of.”
The next generation began receiving the vase in 1990, beginning with Dan’s parents, Dennis and Patricia Worthen.
“So, Dad had it for several years and then passed it on to the next couple,” said Dan Worthen. “I never saw it again until it came to me.”
“Anywhere in the world”
Mrs. Worthen said it’s funny that the vase became an heirloom as part of a plot by her husband’s grandmother to get rid of it.
“In that way, she started this amazing tradition that’s been really cool to be a part of,” Mrs. Worthen stated.
She recalled bringing her own cache of family customs into her relationship with Mr. Worthen as they fell in love and looked toward marriage.
She told him: “You can marry me and we’ll live anywhere in the world as long as it’s Jefferson City.”
“And really, I love it here,” Mr. Worthen added.
Now, they are the first of the great-grandchildren’s generation to become caretakers of the vase.
They delayed opening the unceremoniously wrapped vessel until they were gathered with friends at a social before renewing their vows at Mass.
“Some of our closest friends through church, and my folks and several of our relatives were there,” said Mr. Worthen.
Guests ranged from three weeks married to 58 years. The Worthens figured that among about 30 couples present, their combined years of marriage added up to nearly eight centuries.
Generation to generation
By Mr. Worthen’s calculations, the names on the vase represent about 565 combined years of marriage.
“This family isn’t particularly large, and because I haven’t lived in Michigan since before I was 4, there’s still a good part of the family I don’t know,” he said.
“And yet, here’s this thread running through it that connects us to a past, connects us to a history which is very rooted and part of our identity.”
Fr. Berhorst found a proper blessing for the vase in the Book of Blessings and incorporated it into the renewal of the Worthens’ wedding vows.
“It was really satisfying, this witness that we’re showing and sharing and making a bit of a big deal about,” said Mr. Worthen.
Mrs. Worthen said the vase helped highlight the significance.
“It’s such a celebration of marriage to see all the names and the years they represent,” she said.
“That it’s been passed around to so many people, that it’s celebrated as something important to all of them, it’s such a positive uplifting thing to see and be a part of,” she stated.
The Worthens look forward to holding on to the vase until presenting it to his brother and his wife on their anniversary in 2031.
In the meantime, their oldest daughter plans to get married in December.
“Will the vase come back to her in 25 years?” asked Mr. Worthen. “I sure hope so!”
