Married Couples Retreat: Learning from Mary’s relationship with the Holy Trinity
Paul Masek believes couples who make time to pray together experience incredible unity with God and one another.
It’s difficult to describe but easy to recognize.
“We’re not only opening ourselves up to God, but we’re opening up our marriage to God and allowing God to make the marriage into what it should be,” said Mr. Masek, a retreat leader at the Marianist Retreat Center in the St. Louis archdiocese.
Mr. Masek and his wife, Lisa, are one of two couples who will lead the Jefferson City diocese’s Marriage Retreat on Friday and Saturday, March 14 and 15, 2025, at the Cathedral of St. Joseph.
The retreat is for married couples of all ages.
It will include three delicious meals, inspiring talks, prayer experiences and quality reflection time.
It will help husbands and wives explore the spirituality of their relationship and strengthen their communication skills.
It will start at 6 p.m. on Friday and will continue at 8 a.m. on Saturday, concluding with Mass at 4 p.m.
Free childcare will be available for couples who register by March 1.
The $20-per-couple cost includes the retreat and food.
The theme will be “Living in the Trinity with Mary.”
“Our Blessed Mother has a more profound relationship with each person of the Holy Trinity than any other human being has ever had,” said Mr. Masek. “And consequently, she can be our guide on how to have a personal relationship with each person of the Trinity.”
Mr. and Mrs. Masek have four adult children. Closing in on their 35th wedding anniversary, the couple are convinced that solid, successful marriages are a matter of multiplication, not addition.
“If a person who is whole or pursuing wholeness, which we call holiness, marries a person who’s whole or pursuing wholeness, then one-times-one becomes one,” said Mr. Masek.
“But if one or both of them are not pursuing wholeness, then half a person is marrying half a person, you’re multiplying half-times-half, and you get one-fourth,” he stated.
That’s why he’s sour on phrases such as “my other half” and “he or she completes me.”
“That’s not going to work if you’re not at peace with yourself, not comfortable with yourself, if you’re not comfortable with the person God made you to be,” he said. “You’re not going to be happy.”
Wholeness comes from leaning into God and close friends in faith to help find one’s identity.
“It’s the pursuit of holiness,” said Mr. Masek. “That’s what we’re striving for.”
Husbands and wives going on individual spiritual retreats can help, “but there’s something crazy-cool about attending a retreat as a married couple,” he said.
“You’re focusing on each other but in context of our personal relationships with the Lord and the Lord’s presence in our relationship,” he stated.
Besides, “it’s really good just to get away with your spouse,” he added.
Long overdue
Julie Gramlich and her husband have been married for 27 years and have attended many spiritual retreats separately, but never together on a couple’s retreat.
“In general, as married couples, we don’t always get to spend a lot of quality time with each other, building our relationship with God,” said Mrs. Gramlich, director of faith formation for Cathedral of St. Joseph Parish.
“We may make time to grow separately in our relationship with God, but rarely do we get that alone time together, especially if you have young children,” she said.
That’s why she set out to have her parish organize a married couples retreat this year and open it up to the whole diocese.
“It will hopefully become an annual event,” she said.
Every couple who attends will receive a copy of The Good, the Messy and the Beautiful: The Joys and Struggles of Real Married Life, by Edward and Beth Sri.
“I highly recommend this book to anyone who’s married,” said Mrs. Gramlich.
She noted that taking time to build up their spiritual life is not always at the top of a married couple’s to-do list.
“A lot of times, they don’t realize they need something like this until they get there and say, ‘Wow! Why didn’t we do this sooner?’” she said.
Helpful guide
Mr. Masek emphasized that couples will have plenty of latitude on this retreat.
“Everything we offer is optional,” he said. “We’re not going to ring a bell and take attendance at every session. Maybe at that moment, what they need is to talk seriously with each other. We really trust people to have that discernment.”
Marian spirituality will be woven into the entire retreat.
Mr. and Mrs. Masek and Dominic and Liz Lozano, who will also be presenting on the retreat, have consecrated their lives and their marriages to the Blessed Mother.
“We have all found tremendous renewal in our spiritual life as we’ve deepened our relationship with Mary,” said Mr. Masek.
“She’s always around, even when we don’t recognize her,” he said. “She doesn’t tend to draw attention to herself, but once you notice her, you’re like, ‘This is so amazing!’”
Mrs. Masek likes to refer to Mary as her “Sherpa” — referring to the local guides who help people ascend Mount Everest.
“You can’t do it on your own,” she says. “The Sherpa has made the journey, knows where the dangers are, knows what supplies you need to take, knows what surprises are in store.
“And life is like climbing Mount Everest — a tough journey with a lot of obstacles — and we need help.”
He noted that time is the biggest obstacle to most married couples making a retreat.
“But, you know, for those who are called to marriage, the relationship with your spouse is the most important thing,” he said. “It’s where we encounter God. And I believe that the more spiritually connected we are to each other, the closer we are to God.”
That’s something children of happy parents tend to notice.
“For most kids, it gives them a sense of security,” said Mr. Masek. “Mom and Dad are this close and committed to each other, and their marriage isn’t going anywhere.”
Momentum
Mr. Masek believes that if enough people take advantage of this opportunity, it could start a powerful movement in the diocese.
“My hope is that it would begin a domino effect, where the couples who, God willing, have had a positive experience on the retreat encourage married couples to pray together and go on a married-couples retreat to strengthen their relationship,” he said.
Therefore, he asked for prayers for the success of the retreat, for the team, and for everyone the Lord is calling to attend to be there.
He suggested praying the “Memorare,” asking the Blessed Mother to intercede.
“It’s like saying, ‘You haven’t let us down yet! Please don’t let us down now,” he said.
A limited number of host homes will be available for couples who live outside the area.
The diocese has a group rate of $149 per night at the Courtyard Marriott Jefferson City.
Visit diojeffcity.org/marriage-retreat to register for the retreat.
Contact Mrs. Gramlich at Julie.g@cathedraljc.org or 573-635-7991 for information.
